To be friends without suspicion or guilt. to explore without baggage or pain. to still touch each other with love and know it is fragile. to date, all options open. What I want is the ability to explore all my feelings so that when I make a commitment, I know what it means and can abide by it absolutely. I want you to have the opportunity to grow in ways I have not allowed, and figure out either the solution to your apathy or the key to your emotions. My ideal is that we learn. We influence and are influenced. We breathe and laugh and love. And after all that, I want to find you, and I want to make you mine. If that happens, if our love reconnects, then we may commit and trust in that commitment. Here’s to riding the rainbow. I sincerely hope you’re my pot of gold.

living-d0ll:

omg. yes. 

living-d0ll:

omg. yes. 

(via sapphicwanderlust)

I am unraveling us. Terrified to be in the position you have always occupied. Making demands, asking targeted questions. My heart is ripping. Where am I?

Day One of my new lifestyle. An hours walk before breakfast with a blister to prove it. I will succeed.

If you eat junk food every single day, and then eat healthy for a day, are you going to lose all the weight and have an amazing body all of the sudden? No. It’s the same the other way around. One meal or day of eating junk will not make you gain all the weight. Remember that.

th3skinny:

th3skinny:

You know the term “good hair day?” Well, I personally don’t believe your hair is the only body part that can look better some days than others. Today, my friends, I am having a good booty day so I thought I would share it with you.
All those squats, deadlifts and zumba workouts having been paying off, I think. 
Booty power!

reblogging this one because booty

th3skinny:

th3skinny:

You know the term “good hair day?” Well, I personally don’t believe your hair is the only body part that can look better some days than others. Today, my friends, I am having a good booty day so I thought I would share it with you.

All those squats, deadlifts and zumba workouts having been paying off, I think. 

Booty power!

reblogging this one because booty

(via th3skinny)

(via th3skinny)

(via th3skinny)

Always.

You’re sleeping right now, and I’m curious - so I broke my cardinal rule and I lifted up your journal… and I discovered a side of you I have been trying to reach this entire relationship.

You are beautiful.

Instead of ‘deserving’ better or worse, let’s just be lucky that we wound up with one another.
Your bad thoughts, your bad feelings? Share them, and I’ll share mine.
I have a deep and dark secret that I think should go with me to the grave. The only person I could think of telling would be you, not because it has anything to do with you, but because I trust you with myself the most.

What I’ve needed my entire life is someone like you to tell me to cut my bullshit, and then hold my hand to help me when I try to.

What I want? Well, I’m a little old-fashioned. Where we are at in our lives makes it impossible for you to treat me to dates out. I would love flowers or small gifts, but they aren’t necessary. You know what I love? Letters. I love opening the envelope and feeling the impressions of the pen or pencil. I love the time that has to go into a handwritten note. I love hand holding and gentle kisses. Your attention means more to me than anything, and your attention is free.

I say this knowing that I need to change, but I don’t know in which ways. I want to be better to you as badly as I want you to be better to me. Maybe it would take a conversation, but it definitely needs action.
I would love if, sometimes, when I text you to let you know that I am almost there, you got up and dressed and when you heard me in the driveway, you came out to meet me with a kiss and help me inside. 
I would also love coming up to a clean bedroom sometimes.
I love when you make me dinner, and I love making you dinner.
I love our showers. It’s unbearably sweet to me when you wash my back for me.

When we have sex, I need the foreplay. It’s what gets me closer to the possibility of finishing. I have never been in a relationship where the foreplay lasts long enough, and for that I am not used to accepting the focus. I know I enjoy going down on you, but that’s a cop-out for not doing anything to reciprocate. If you don’t enjoy it, let’s find something you do enjoy doing, or change how we do something so it’s less of a chore to you. 

If you want a second dog, then okay. I’m being a bitch about it because you have no reliable income right now, but also because I have really wanted a dog for a few years. Even when we decided we would get one, I had to cave and let you get your dog with the agreement that the second would be mine. And now that I’m living with my Dad where getting a dog is not in the cards right now, I feel cheated that you would get a second dog and I would still have none. I’m so jealous, and my green glasses are making me unsympathetic. I’m so sorry. 

I am losing my self-esteem. I have gained weight to a point where I feel absolutely disgusting. I have made the choice to change for myself, but it will be a long road and I would love having your support. By that, I mean possibly joining me so that our sleeping and eating schedules matched.

You had two things written. One was with your cousin - I don’t understand it and I would rather close my eyes to it than think about the repercussions of it, but if it’s what you need to do as a person then I think you should not have kept your thoughts from me when you could have confided and built me into your support system - and the other was something I have felt myself. I have a few feelings for this. Betrayed, that you would expect me to not cave to that side of myself but you are allowed your moments of weakness. Upset, that you would not confide those feelings in me when I have told you that I need you to do so. And overwhelming sadness that you too have felt that way.

I love you unconditionally. That’s what makes it hard when we realize that we need different things to further our relationship. When we first started dating, we jumped two steps forward and now are experiencing a step back. If we alter things a little bit, we’ll make it forward again. I want that with you.

Please forgive me for invading your privacy when I should have respected it.